|Vija Celmins Working Photos|
[On Preparing to Be Criticized for a Forthcoming Work, The Woman Who Planted Dreams, 2014]
I am. We are. There's always doubt. Right now, I'm anxious about my current project, The Woman Who Planted Dreams. I'd rather be free of these questions and onto the path—to be known, knowing and making known. I feel unsure for several reasons. First, it doesn't feel pure. Second, it has no end. Third, I'm coming from a place that doesn't even know itself, let alone its art. It should be easier to leave the self behind, when a serious work is pushing through. Unsure as I am, I must go on because, well, there's nothing left to do. Such is my circumstance.
|Vija Celmins working photo|
I've been asked so many times, by so many people, What is a dream? What do you want? Do you mean a sleeping dream or a hope for the future? It seems to me the dreamer is sound asleep. I say to you, dreamers, poets, lovers, friends, wake up! This is about alchemy, emergence, something from nothing, the world we want, the things that stir us. We don't plant dreams alone. We plant them together. Together we find time and space and draw them out and shape our world. The action of bringing dreams to seed is our work. Let us begin!
I've been confused and struggling and open about it. I don't know where or who I am or what I'll become. I'm not fighting it, but I'm also not comfortable. When I first returned home from the mountain, I felt a deep and decisive shift and a loss. At first, it meant I sat catatonic at my desk for 10 hours, then it meant scratching my head, then just scratching out ideas I had no interest in realizing, then in desperately trying to jump-start a pulse, a new life. I wandered about in this state, attempting to understand who I was, with projects like Sonnets in the Sand (2012), Surrogate (2012), Burden of Purpose (2013) and Hunger (2013). Still no birth. I wait. And wander. And now a new work, which is maybe more wandering. I don't know.